One woman's story

"John" and I were married in the fall of 1999. We met earlier that year, got engaged and I found out I was pregnant with our first child at the beginning of the summer.

The abuse began shortly after our marriage. His first step in violence toward me was so unexpected and the reason so senseless. We were in the midst of an argument and I threw a pen down on our countertop, and it landed on the floor. He insisted I pick it up and when I refused, he threw me to the floor and tried to drag me to pick it up. He minimized the situation later and said it was no big deal.

When our first child was born, I remember being up late with the baby as he cried. Being a new mother and not being able to console him made me cry, too. John came downstairs to see what was wrong. I told him I couldn't get our baby to stop crying. He took him from me, shook him and yelled at him to stop. I grabbed our child and told John to leave him alone, he was only a baby. I felt so helpless at that point.

The abuse became more frequent, but I thought I could change him, help him to stop.

When I learned I was pregnant with our second child, one incident stands out in my mind. I made dinner for John and brought it to him. He didn't like what I made and threw it across the room. He began yelling at me to pick it up and hit me in the face. I asked him to stop or I would call the police.