You know what they say: if you ask a stupid question...

LUCAS

Before we do anything else, I've got a few questions.

• How weird is it that former Highland Park quarterback Matthew Stafford is the starting quarterback for the No. 1-ranked college team in the country (Georgia)?

I say that it's weird only from the aspect that in fall 2003, Kilgore faced Highland Park in the Class 4A football playoffs at Rose Stadium, losing to the Scots in the final seconds of an entertaining game. I honestly wasn't all that impressed with him, but a lot of people who know more than me say he's a legitimate Heisman Trophy candidate. Go figure.

• Why are the Geico commercials with the cavemen such a big hit? What do they have to do with insurance? And who had the idea to make a TV series out of that? I personally don't find them funny or amusing whatsoever.

• Why does a Tyler TV sports anchor insist, even this week, on calling Whitehouse's football program "the defending co-district champions" with Kilgore when Kilgore beat Whitehouse head-tohead in 2007? The two teams each finished with 6-1 records in district play. I get that. But Kilgore BEAT Whitehouse. Doesn't that count for anything?

• When did going to see a movie at the theatre mean you had to sit through five minutes of commercials before the previews begin?

• Anyone had a chance to see the Houston Texans at all this preseason? I have, and they don't look bad. Defensively, though, they're giving up big plays.

• Did you know that the Louisiana Tech football program has four captains, only one is an underclassman, and it's former KHS standout Lon Roberts? Keep up the good work, Lon.

• How is it that a prominent American couple, worth around $110 million, are asking someone, anyone, to help them pay off a $24 million debt?

The couple: Bill and Hillary Clinton, who owe about $24 million from her failed — yes, failed — presidential campaign. The Clintons are miffed because they perceive Barack Obama hasn't done enough to help her "retire" her debt.

Now there is a proposal on the table so that Hillary fanatics — er, supporters — can help her "retire" the debt by each sending a dollar to her. I'd love to have millions of strangers to each send me a dollar, as well.

Does the gall of these people ever end? Earth to Bill and Hillary: It's over.

• One more political question — it took him all this time to decide that Joe Biden should be his running mate? What, was Walter Mondale not available?

Be ready to hear soundbytes of the anti-Obama comments that Biden made during the Democratic primary process.

• Do the Texas Rangers have some kind of in-house creed that they have to collapse in July or August every year? Josh Hamilton and Longview's own Chris Davis have been fun to watch, but I'll know the Rangers are serious about contending in the American League when they do something about their pitching, or the lack thereof.

• Is there anybody in America who watches ESPN that still thinks it's funny when anchor Stuart Scott says "Booyah," or "as cool as the other side of the pillow?"

• How would you like to be in the shoes of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers this season? Because of the mess with Brett Favre, every pass, every audible, every step he takes, every postgame interview he gives, will be analyzed by the media. And if he's not something close to what Favre was last year in getting the Packers to the NFC championship game, Packers fans (many of whom bailed on Favre) will be lamenting Favre's trade.

For those of you who live in Brenham, "lamenting" means to regret.

• Can someone tell me why Paris Hilton is famous?

• Are you excited about the promise of the new football season? I am. I think we have a lot of teams in our area, including Kilgore High School and Kilgore College, who will have great seasons.

I've been getting our football preview ready, and I've talked with just about every coach in our coverage area so far. I do think that Kilgore and Kilgore College will be big factors in the way things play out in their district and conference, respectively, and that both have the opportunity for special seasons. I think West Rusk will be better this year and contend for a district title, if not more. I think the Dallas Cowboys will finally get the monkey off Tony Romo's back and win at least one playoff game this year, and I think the college football season will be as exciting as ever.

I'm making a confession right now, though: our football preview is going to be more local than ever. I'll have a little bit of major college football and the NFL in there, but I'm having to donate most of our space to our coverage area. That's just the way it has to be.

It will be a part of the paper on Thursday, and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Thanks for reading, and God bless.