No betrayal

I did a lot of dumb things in college, but one of the dumbest was when I hurt my friendship with my buddy Rich by dating a girl named Cindy. Here's what happened.

Cindy was a petite blond who caught my eye when I was a junior. She was one of those "aloof" women who seemed hard to catch. That made her all the more attractive, so I began the pursuit. I positioned myself at the right place in the student union to talk to her. I made witty conversation with her in the cafeteria line.

We went on walks where she always seemed to lag behind or wander away from me. That should have been a hint the relationship was doomed to fail. Although we dated for several months it seemed we were mismatched and the relationship died a dwindling death for lack of interest on her part.

After I declared the Cindy courtship dead, one of my best friends, Rich, decided he would try dating her. Rich fell hard. He talked about her all the time. He doted on her. He followed her around like a pup. Cindy seemed interested in Rich too but I noticed, even though our dating days were over, she kept casting an eye in my direction.

One day in the library, she found me perusing some reference books in a quiet corner. "Let's go do something" she said in a hoarse whisper. I looked up, then around, to see if she was talking to me. "I thought you were dating Rich", I responded in a daze. "Yeah, but I want to do something with you", she winked. My dad had given me advice for such a time as this, and his words echoed in the canyon of my mind: "No woman is worth losing a good friend over." I paused and pondered. She beamed and beckoned. Then I stuffed dad's advice in the bottom on my backpack and Cindy and I covertly left the library together.

Over the course of the next couple weeks we went on many secret dates. She wanted to keep dating Rich and I wanted to keep his friendship so we dated on the sly. I felt like a cheating spouse having an affair. We constantly kept a look out, lest Rich see us together. Alas, the campus was too small and word eventually filtered back to Rich.

He confronted me. I confessed. He was angry. I was apologetic. He stayed hurt and I stayed remorseful for weeks. Eventually our friendship healed enough where we hung out together again, played basketball, even sang in a group with each other. But the friendship was like a broken plate glued back together. We could both see the cracks where Cindy had broken our hearts and I had broken his trust.

Cindy went on to other guys. Probably broke other hearts. Rich and I graduated, moved to different cities, and now only see each other at college reunions. We're friends, but I still feel remorse for betraying his trust.

And I still think of Dad's advice, only I have modified it some over the years: "No important relationship should be betrayed at any cost." It's especially true in our marital relationships. Some married women wink and wander with other men. Some married men flirt with fire and other females. Don't do it. When you betray your marital commitment, even a little, you're playing with shards of broken glass that will eventually cut you deeply. Stay true to your promises. Don't betray your marital trust.