Baseball: Just a game
the idle american
don newbury

Should redemption be offered? Of course, but it’s his call, beginning with a genuine apology...

The cows milked, the grass mowed and the ducks in perfect rows, I was predisposed to write about the nation’s columnists and optometrists co-existing during annual conventions at the same hotel. But my plans turned to clabber.*

Convention tales must be delayed when sports news bolts to the front page. What a mess remains after veteran Texas Ranger pitcher Kenny Rogers runs amuck, mowing down photographers with abandon. For some, life BEGINS at 40.

As a survivor of more than 20 years in public relations, I am sorry for all parties involved. Deepest sorrow is for the photographer who was pummeled twice. I also wince for Rangers‚ officials, scrambling to salvage credibility after a major train wreck.

“Keep us in the news and off the front page” was my years-ago assignment. Sometimes it worked.

Never an exact science, some PR efforts are as pure as driven slush. One sly flack grins that public relations and prostitution begin with the same letters.

In no time the Ranger officials shifted to “red alert” modes for damage control. Positive spins are wobbly at such bizarre times.

It’s hard to find silver linings when storm clouds boil, but Gregg Elkin, the Rangers‚ excellent media relations chief, is pulling long shifts to wipe egg from many faces. One wag thinks that if there is a PR opening at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch, Gregg might consider it a comparative cake walk.

Are there any heroes on a day when Rogers‚ thermostat explodes? Emphatically, yes. Catcher Rod Barajas alertly bear hugged Kenny and hustled him to the clubhouse. Teammates stuck by him with “we’re a team” comments. The stoic guys can be forgiven if tears flowed in a “bench-clearing bawl” after the game. They won, but high fives were in slow motion.

For the foreseeable future, most attempts at humor in Rangerland will be swings and misses. Like the guy who asked, “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?” Perhaps only attorneys will laugh — on their strolls to the bank.

Team officials have said the right things — mostly. In one voice has come the well-worn pledge to handle this matter in-house.

But, that dog won’t hunt. Noble as it sounds, when a player assaults a non-player, it’s an “outhouse” deal. Look for “Will Rogers Never Met Kenny Rogers” bumper stickers.

Sadly, Rogers‚ snafu is symptomatic of a culture where the “rage” in-box overflows. Woe is he if this is one of those centuries when everything goes wrong.

Until this season, Kenny enjoyed “good guy” — maybe even “best guy” — status. Favored by fans and the press, he was “A+” by most measures — a good citizen, fierce competitor and great athlete.

Should redemption be offered? Of course, but it’s his call, beginning with a genuine apology — not an explanation — an apology from his own lips. The road back is long, the challenges, many and the press, wary. He must deal — and deal cheerfully — with all media queries, even from reps whose IQ’s may not equal their body temperatures — centigrade.

Commissioner Bud Selig has ordered a $50,000 fine and a 20-game suspension. Rogers needs to offer a “Yes, Sir” response, and make counseling his next stop. (You may have read that moneybags player Alex Rodriguez — thankfully a FORMER Ranger — endorses counseling. “Therapy can be therapeutic,” he said.) Duh....

Twenty-five years ago, composer/singer Kenny Rogers gave us “The Gambler.” It is prophetic for baseball’s Kenny Rogers: “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.”

A decade hence, I hope the talented left-hander’s legacy can be viewed on balance. Later, stories for his grandchildren can be thrilling and instructive.

As soon as possible, I hope his accounts are solely on the sports page. It is incongruous when front page headlines are side by side: “Rangers‚ Kenny Rogers attacks 2 cameramen,” AND: “Mad cow case is traced to Texas.”

Perspective is important. Fans want pastime — respites from reality.

It’s the same game Yankee great Lou Gehrig worshiped when, wracked with the illness that was to later bear his name, he claimed to be “the luckiest man on the face of the earth.” His folks, German immigrants, held other sentiments. They had four children, but only Lou, their “Gibraltar in cleats,” survived infancy. And he was dead a few weeks in front of his 38th birthday.

*For “under 40” readers whose rural knowledge is limited, “clabber” is the lumpy stuff in the milk bucket one stage after it sours. (From Dr. Newbury’s first book, When the Porch Light‚s On.) Dr. Newbury is an author and speaker whose column appears weekly in 125 newspapers in several states. Check his website: www.speakerdoc.com He welcomes comments by phone, 817-447-3872, or by e-mail: newbury@speakerdoc.com